Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
