oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
