did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Green mimosas i think yes
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
