dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My vagina is officially offended.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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