I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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