I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
