So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
