if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
