Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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