i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
