I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
