My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
