DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
