my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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