My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
