OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
