so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
