How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
