Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
organizing the empties. That sober.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
