Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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