I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
