tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
