i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
