chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
