Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
