Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
