i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
how does that bad decision feel?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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