Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
