is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
