Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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