Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
