sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Randomize
