Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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