update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
