Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
