Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
