Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
