How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
