mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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