Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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