Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
