He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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