You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
