apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
