So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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