The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
