you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
