I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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