i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
