____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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