Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
