it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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