Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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