i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
