I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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